Single, 20, Christian, and Pregnant

So let’s address the elephant in the room… I’m pregnant at 20 years old and single. But hey, at least I passed the title of “Teen Mom” by a year. Oh, and I’m a Christian; which means I committed one of the worst sins out there, according to most religious and non-religious people. However, if these “Christians” were truly Christians they would know that everyone sins and sin leads to death. Romans 3:23-24 states: “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.” So why am I being criticized? Just because my sin is evident on my growing baby bump and ring-less finger? Most people can hide their sins easily but not me. We’re all sinners, and it’s time that people take the log out of their own eye before they judge the speck in another’s eye (Matthew 7:3). My intention of this blog is to open people’s eyes to this overlooked situation brought on by Christians and this fallen society, and to encourage other women like me involved in this epidemic.

In the beginning of the summer before my junior year of college, I was dealing with many troubles at home. I caught myself searching for love in all of the wrong places and found a short-lived sense of love from a guy I had been friends with for a while. Of course I knew I had made a huge mistake and it killed me spiritually. I hated myself every second of every day. I prayed for forgiveness constantly but it continued to haunt me and I knew I couldn’t let myself sit at home and dwell on it. I was playing basketball on scholarship at a Christian college, so I consumed myself with lifting weights, shooting, and playing at the gym in pick-up games. I spent around 3 or 4 hours at the gym daily. One night, during my 4th hour at the gym and my 5th pick-up game, I tore my ACL. For people who don’t know, this is a very important ligament in the knee that connects bones and is important in the support of the knee (I’m not a doctor, look it up). This meant I would have to have surgery and I would be out for about a year. After that I was forced to stay home and think. I began to have pregnancy symptoms like random morning sickness and obviously a late period but I was in denial. I didn’t want to believe it and I convinced myself that I wasn’t pregnant. I ended up having surgery on my knee and connected all of my pregnancy symptoms to the surgery and the chemical imbalance of the medications I was on. A few weeks after surgery I still didn’t have a period and I knew I couldn’t continue in denial. I talked to my mom about it and she stood by my side and supported me while I took the pregnancy test. When I saw the positive indication on the test, I immediately fell into my mom’s arms and cried like I’ve never cried before. I couldn’t even believe it. In shock mode, I instantly wanted an abortion. I wanted this problem to go away. Didn’t I have enough on my plate? The next day I went to a free clinic called “Birth Choice” and had a pregnancy test to confirm. There, they talked to me about my options: parenting, adoption, and abortion. They claimed to be pro-life, so they didn’t perform abortions but they educated women on abortion. As I talked to a volunteer there, they tried to convince me to keep the baby. Even after they informed me about all of the dangers of the abortion procedure my mind was still set on abortion. That day I made an appointment to have an abortion. My mom encouraged me to research my options on the internet so I did; I only looked at the positive outcomes of abortion. I made a pros and cons list of each option and abortion seemed to have the least cons and the most pros. I was in so much fear that I neglected prayer and didn’t read my Bible. I just told myself that God would forgive me after having an abortion. When the day of my appointment arrived, I found my mom at my bedside in a panic-attack. She knew me too well to know that I wasn’t bringing my problem to God and that I would regret my decision. After cancelling the appointment I decided to truly research every one of my options; the good and the bad repercussions of each. What I didn’t realize was how much abortion negatively impacts women. I read story after story of women that never forgave themselves. I came across a story of a woman that worked at Planned Parenthood and convinced many women to have an abortion every day. This woman eventually became saved by God and knew how big of a mistake she made. She was convicted of convincing women to sin. She was the cause of the hurt of these women… their everyday pain. Knowing that caused her to resent herself and her past actions. The last story that I will share is about a volleyball player at a Christian college who got pregnant and chose to keep the baby. Her coach and school forgave her and while she obviously couldn’t play volleyball, they allowed her to continue her education at that school. At the very end of this article there was a picture of her and her eventually-born child. It was the most beautiful picture I had ever seen and I knew that that could be me one day. That story is one of the reasons why I sit here today 20 weeks pregnant, excited to meet my baby boy or girl.

The road ahead wasn’t an easy one though, by far. I knew what I would lose: my scholarship, my basketball career, the Christian college that I had loved attending, etc. I knew about the public scrutiny I would have to endure. I knew that my family would have to endure the scrutiny as well. I knew the possibility of rejection by my own friends and family. I knew that raising a child by myself would hold many difficult challenges. I knew that being a single, Christian woman would make me feel alone. I knew all of these things, yet I chose life. I buckled up and said, “Okay God, let’s do this!” By choosing God’s way instead of my own, I have felt more grace and love than I have ever felt in my entire life. My basketball coach was instantly gracious and loving and has chosen to help me in any way he can, my teammates have loved me unconditionally and have been encouraging me every day, my family has fully embraced my pregnancy and is ecstatic to add another life to our family, my friends at home are already calling themselves ‘aunts’ and ‘uncles’, my parents have agreed to help take care of my child and help me finish school, and the college that I was attending is committed to help me take classes elsewhere and has allowed me to return for my senior year to graduate. I have been completely overwhelmed!!! If this isn’t grace, I don’t know what is.

This brings me to the next topic of discussion: abortion. After choosing life and spreading the news of a baby, members of my family have received comments from friends and coworkers that absolutely crush my heart. They have been told things like: “Dude, your sister is knocked up! Why wouldn’t she just have an abortion?” and “She is not even dating the guy, just have an abortion!” and “I can’t believe she would choose to end her life for this baby.” These comments honestly make me feel sick to my stomach. People don’t understand the hurt and pain that women endure for the rest of their lives after having an abortion. Ever since I have shared the news with people, women have opened up to me about having an abortion. These women share with me that their decision haunts them every day of their lives and some women do not allow themselves to have children later in life because they don’t think they are worthy of that gift. Men are so quick to tell their baby mama to have an abortion because they don’t think about the negative emotional effects that it has on the mother. I believe that every abortion clinic in America should be destroyed and in their place should be post-abortion recovery centers for women.

So here is my message:

1. To the single, pregnant women out there in my shoes: You can do this! God is forgiving and loves you all so much. Not to mention, He loves your baby too! Jeremiah 1:5 says, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.” There are so many centers like Birth Choice out there that can help you with free counseling, free ultrasounds, and free parenting/baby classes. And remember, you are not alone. There are other women out there in your shoes that feel the same way. You just have to find them! And one last thing- there is always adoption! There are many couples out there who can’t get pregnant due to their physical anatomy and/or health concerns who would love to raise your child! This is a great secondary option for women who are not financially capable of raising their own child. There are open adoptions where you can choose the parents yourself, and you can even have the option of being a part of your child’s life through adoption.

2. To the people of today’s society: abortion is a very serious matter. Instead of only taking the baby into consideration, think about the mother. Value her feelings and emotions because this is not an easy decision. Also, before you become pro-life or pro-abortion, do your research. Take a look around you. How many people are on this earth because their mother chose life? Just by looking at the statistics, you can see that these people are all around you. Everyone is on this earth because their mother chose life. My mom’s best friend approached me and told me that she is here because her mom chose life. She is the godliest woman I know and if her mom chose abortion she wouldn’t be here.

3. To the Christians of the world: think before you judge. Your words, whether said out loud or in your heart hurt. As Christians, we are supposed to love one another as Jesus loves us (John 13:34). And remember, we all sin whether it’s visible or not. If you don’t want to be judged for your sin, don’t judge others for theirs. Like the phrase we hear so often, treat people the way you want to be treated.

I pray for all of the pregnant women out there who share these feelings of fear and shame, and I pray that I can be a voice for the voiceless- both Christian and non-Christian.

Like I said earlier, I am currently 20 weeks pregnant and my beautiful baby is due January 30th, 2015. If you want to stay updated on my pregnancy and life with my child, stay connected to my blog! And if you have further questions for me to answer, please comment below. I am an open book!

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41 thoughts on “Single, 20, Christian, and Pregnant

  1. Vee says:

    Absolutely speechless! ❤ You are going to be a great mom! This blog was written straight from your heart and I can see that and feel it! I am so happy for you and the bundle of joy that you are going to bring into this world! You have strength beyond your years! Love you Kel

    -Vee

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  2. Hadiya Jackson says:

    I’m so proud of you Kelly!!
    God is going to use you in such mighty ways! I’m humbled by your honesty and willingness to share this journey through your blog. Your pursuit of God through this stage in your life is convicting! Your going to be an awesome mom! Love you and praying for you!

    Like

  3. Jordan Maeding says:

    Kelly my mom was in the same situation you are exactly 23 years ago right before her sophomore year at Masters. Things were different then and she wasn’t allowed to come back and my Dad lost his job because of it too. Our Lord is an amazing redeemer though and he redeemed even that situation for his glory in so many different ways. I’m overjoyed for the courage and and strength he has given you because you are trusting him with this. I know he will do great things through you. I’m praying for you sister 🙂

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  4. Natalie says:

    Kelly, you are an amazingly strong Christian woman!! You are going to be a fantastic mother!! You and your baby have such a strong support system behind you. I have been in your shoes, but lacked the bravery you are showing! You have the biggest heart and Kenna and I cannot wait to see your bundle of joy!!

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  5. Anne says:

    What a beautiful statement of your love and accpetance of this little person that will be the center of your world, Kelly. We love you! and your extended family in Oregon can’t wait to meet him or her someday. xoxoxo

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  6. Nicole says:

    Kelly I am so proud of the growth I have seen in you in this short period. All the reasons you give truly indicate that you have listened to God in this major decision of your life. You have chosen to put this baby’s life before your own and God would have it no other way. When I first heard that you were expecting, I prayed that your decision would be to keep the baby for many of the reasons you gave. I was so happy to hear when you decided to. We look forward to hearing more about your pregnancy and the birth of the baby. We love you Kelly and know that God has many plans for both of you.
    God bless you and your little one!
    Aunt Nicki and Uncle Doug

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  7. Al Lino says:

    As a father of two daughters this post resonated with me in a profound way. As a Christian, it inspires me to know that a young lady can exhibit such courage and wisdom in a precarious situation. It’s not always easy to know what to do. It’s not always easy to trust God in all we do but your faith and the support of your mother, shows all of us that there are answers if we are patient. Thank you for sharing your journey. I’m truly humbled by your story.

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  8. Briana Talbott says:

    Kelly, this is beautiful! You are going to be an amazing mother and the Lord is going to shine so bright and be so glorified through you! He is already is! I can only imagine how excited your family is for you and your little one :). May God continue to bless you and your baby, your pregnancy, and your family <3.

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  9. Janet says:

    I admire your courage and honesty and insight. Your baby is lucky to have you as a mother. Your baby will be surrounded and supported by many strong, loving, wonderful women and people. May God continue to bless you.

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  10. S Sutton says:

    I just came across your blog. I was 23 years old going through a divorce and found myself pregnant. I wasn’t living for the Lord at the time, but when my pregnancy was confirmed I immediately asked for forgiveness. I knew He would have to be my strength. My parents who are strong believers stood by me and were so excited to be first time grandparents. My son is 15 years old now and God restored my marriage. My husband has raise my son as his own from day one. You will not regret your choice. I am proud of you. You hang in there, you will make it. God is walking with you, depend on him for everything.

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    • kgburns says:

      Wow thank you! That is so encouraging to hear, thank you so much for sharing. It sounds like God had it all worked out for you from the start! I’m glad your family is doing well.

      Like

  11. Patti says:

    Beautifully wrriten from the heart ad soul. Amazing spiriti from a young Mom..one that old Moms could take a lesson from. Your child iss already so lucky and surrounded by love. Awesome to see, heartwarming and inspirational. Wamest wishes to you all!

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  12. Jennifer says:

    You are obviously a very strong young lady! Never let go of your faith because it is taking you to great heights. Thank you for your honesty and courage. I was one of those babies that came from a less than ideal situation whose Mother looked into having an abortion. I’m grateful she walked out and didn’t let them pressure her into it because according to her, they certainly tried. Enjoy motherhood. It is the best adventure I’ve ever been on where even the worst of days are made infinitely better by your child. Sending you much love & praying for your continued strength and courage. May God continue to bless you and yours 🙂

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  13. Amy Lui says:

    Beautifully said Kelly! I was also pregnant at 20, unmarried and chose life! I was not a Christian at the time but felt the same condemnation and judgment from others. My best friend in the whole world told me to have an abortion and said that this baby would ruin my entire life. I had never been so hurt by someone’s words before. Well praise God I didn’t listen to her!! Fast forward to now: I became a Christian in 2001, married the father of that precious baby girl and have a son as well. God’s grace and mercy was present even when I didn’t know Him. What we did in sin, He redeemed with His love!! My husband and I celebrated 18 years of marriage this year, my daughter is now 20 and loves the Lord with all of her heart. She missions all over the world and teaches at a local Christian school. God had a perfect plan for her life and it is evident everyday when I see how through Him, she is impacting this world!!
    Continue to seek Him, grow in His love and trust He has a prefect plan for you and your precious baby to be!!!
    God Bless you Kelly!!!
    Amy Lui

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    • kgburns says:

      Wow thank you!!! That is so inspiring to me. Praise The Lord for that!! I’m so glad you’re family is doing well and hearing the way that God worked everything out for you is so encouraging. Thank you for sharing that. God bless you and your family!

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  14. Alaine says:

    My Dearest Kelly, just read your most beautiful blog and have tears of pride and joy over you… so genuine, pure and filled with grace. I’m honored to call you my friend. You are a beacon of light and refreshing to all. I love you! XOXOXO

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  15. Kim Burns says:

    Kelly, when we first leaned of your pregnancy, we immediately wanted to wrap our arms around you and offer comfort. Through your blog you have beautifully expressed all your feelings and fears as you faced the reality of being with child. Thank you for telling your story. I’m sure you had some dark moments, and if you didn’t already have a close relationship with God, the path you might have chosen would be different. Because of your faith, you were able to choose the road less traveled by others in your situation. God has graced you with wisdom to make this choice and He will give you strength when you need it. I’m thankful you have a loving and supportive family and classmates at TMC. Your baby is already blessed to have you as his/her mother, and to have your family there to love and guide him, too.

    You will remain in our thoughts and prayers every day. Please call on us if there is any way we might be of support to you.

    Much love to you and Baby,
    Aunt Kim and Uncle Bill

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  16. Ingrid says:

    Girl, you made the best choice in the worst timing possible. Yes, we all make mistakes; some visible, some not. Being a single mom will not be an easy thing. Now your world is no longer yours. Your hopes and dreams are no longer your your goals and expectations are no longer yours. Every dream that you had, is now out the window. Every choice you make will ALWAYS affect one person on your in your life… YOUR BABY. That being said, I am a stay at home mother of 5 beautiful kids. (Ages are 8,6,5,2, and 3 months). I have been married to the same man ( shocking to most people ;)) for over 10 years. My husband works 7 days a week. And most days are at least 12hour days. I have my parents that live a few minutes away, and friends that always offer their help. But it is still not easy for me. Like I said, I do stay at home. So, I cook, clean, changes diapers, wash clothes and put them away. Make sure kids look clean, love them, have fun with them, wake up with them when they are sick or have a bad dream. Make sure they are properly dressed before heading out the door. I am an officer, judge, critic, teacher, lawyer, designer, doctor, surgeon, banker, chef, cleaning crew, shopper, and the list goes on. By the end of my day, I am DONE. But, I would not change it for the world. I applaud you for making the choice to keep your baby. God will bless you in trusting Him. Like I said, it will not be easy, but at the end of the day, it’s all worth it. May you have a healthy pregnancy and delivery. Ad never forget that God is always with you.

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    • kgburns says:

      Wow that’s amazing!! Sounds like you have your hands full! Thank you for that encouragement, I truly appreciate it. If you can take care of 5 small children at once, I think I can handle one! May God bless your family infinitely!!

      Like

  17. Dolores says:

    Thank you for your honesty! I have a 16 yr old daughter that just found out that she is pregnant and is wanting an abortion even though she is a Christian and is adopted too. We are doing everything we can to protect the life of this baby. Our daughter doesn’t want to talk to us at all about it but we are staying on top of it. Pray that we will be able to see our grandbaby in April.

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    • kgburns says:

      Hi Dolores, thank you for sharing that with me. I would love to talk to her if she’s up to it. I know exactly how she feels. Here is my email- kgburns15@gmail.com. Please do not hesitate to contact me or have your daughter contact me!! I will help in whatever way I can and I’ll be praying for your daughter, your family, and this precious life inside of her.

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  18. Jamee Katsuyama says:

    Hey Kelly. I loved your blog. Congratulations and I am very happy for you. I know I have only known you for a short amount of time, I fully believe that you are going to become a wonderful mother. I hope all goes well.

    Like

  19. Sierra says:

    I just found out I was pregnant, I’m 6 weeks, single, 20, & a Christian. Everyday I consider abortion and your blog post has really helped and opened up my eyes. I still haven’t decided on anything, this is all so fresh and new to me but thank you for sharing.

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    • kgburns says:

      Hi Sierra, thank you for commenting! If you ever need someone to talk to, please don’t hesitate to email me at kgburns15@gmail.com. My daughter is now 10 months old and is the biggest blessing of my life! I’ll be praying for you as you make your decision, I know it’s not an easy one to make.

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  20. Gabrielle says:

    I am 22 years old and I just graduated college in May. April of my senior year I found I was pregnant. I too am a Christian, I went to a Christian school and was involved in a lot of spiritual life on campus. Long story short, I have a beautiful daughter and I feel as though God had told me to start a blog/website to encourage other girls in my position. I had a lot of doubt on whether there were girls I could reach or if I could actually do it. But thank you! You have inspired me and encouraged me to be obedient to God! God bless you, love.

    Like

    • kgburns says:

      Hi Gabrielle! Thank you for commenting! It is so reassuring to know that there are other girls out there who can relate. I sure hope you write a blog, I would love to read it. God bless you and your daughter!

      Like

      • Gabrielle says:

        Thank you for your response! Hopefully we can stay connected. I hope you are enjoying this journey of motherhood!

        Like

  21. Susan says:

    I am so proud of you! I used to support abortion until my sister got an abortion. She is still haunted by this decision even though she ended up marrying the man and she often thinks how her family of five can be a family of six. Cheers to you, your new baby to be and your path ahead. I hope you continue to write and spread your strength.

    Thank you for sharing!

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