Breathless

I guess you could say the title has a double meaning: one, the Lord’s faithfulness has taken my breath away and two, I literally can’t breathe thanks to the little one compressing my lungs. Luckily we’re in the last few weeks—exactly three weeks until my due date—but who knows whether my little diva will make her debut in a timely manner or if she will be fashionably late. Let’s hope for the first option.

Like I said in my previous posts, God has been teaching me new things every day; even when I beg him for a breather, because some of the lessons I learn are painful realities. But I am thankful, nonetheless, because He has been giving me incredible growing opportunities and is preparing me to raise a daughter. Given my condition of living at home, not playing basketball anymore, and being a single, pregnant, Christian woman I have felt very alone. Although I’ve received tons of love and support, I have found myself wanting to hide under a rock all day. I knew I had an important job of growing a human but I felt very empty. What was my purpose now? Who am I? I lived my whole life with a certain identity. I was the nice girl who was a great basketball player and who was always a foot taller than all of my classmates. But now it’s gone. And I’m not kidding about my height; I was made fun of for it as a kid but I learned to love it and let’s be real, it helped me get a basketball scholarship. Anyways (excuse my little rant), that identity of mine is gone. The world tells me that I am now an irresponsible college student who ruined their life by getting pregnant and losing their athletic scholarship. And while I let that get in my head here and there, I know that’s not who I really am. God spoke through John about our identity in the book of 1 John. The first verse in chapter three says, “See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him.” We are all God’s children. While the world tells me that I’m characterized by my success and mistakes, God tells me that I am His and He loves me no matter what. I am not a college athlete who made a mistake and lost everything. I am a child of God who is forgiven of that mistake. God has chosen me and is using my sin for His glory. While the devil may have won a small battle, God has already won the war. Different identities come and go as we enter new seasons of life but our identity in Christ never changes. I choose to be identified as a proud follower of Jesus, ready to carry out God’s will and make a difference on this earth. And you, reading this right now, are no different. You don’t have to identify yourself by your successes and mistakes. Who will you choose to be today?

While God has been growing me spiritually, He has sure been growing me physically as well. I’ve had a great pregnancy, I have to admit, but I’m ready for some of these lovely attributes to be gone. First, I am hot… all the time. People tell me that I have this beautiful pregnancy glow but I’m pretty sure they’re mistaken by the beads of sweat that glisten on my face continuously. Second, I cannot breathe (like I said earlier). Going from playing basketball to getting tired by walking up and down the stairs at home is a very humbling experience. Third, I cannot bend over anymore. Having a difficult time putting on socks and shoes is also a very humbling experience. And fourth, hormones; don’t watch the movie Marley and Me while pregnant. Enough said. There are a few other lovely symptoms but for your sake I will keep them to myself. Pregnancy may sound terrible but that’s not the case. I’ve had some great laughs from it for sure. Being tall has an advantage when pregnant because my baby has more room and the baby bump isn’t as big as people would think. This causes people to question the health and growth of my baby so of course, they ask about my weight. One of my guy friends asked how much I weighed and his response to my answer was, “Dang, I wish I weighed that much.” That was definitely a first and to be honest it made me feel better to know that someone was actually jealous of my weight gain! More laughs I’ve gotten during my pregnancy come from my brother, Eric. He’s a sophomore in high school and seems to be more excited for baby Kendall than anyone else. About a week ago he assembled the stroller we got and has been a little obsessed. He had been home alone for a few hours one day and confessed to us that he had done laps around the kitchen with it and put his phone in the seat of it with the front-facing camera on so that he could see from the baby’s perspective. He said, “Well I can’t climb in there so that was my only other option.” He definitely had us all laughing for hours. The stories I have of Eric’s excitement are endless but I’m sure no one has time for that!

Thank you all for reading! I am truly grateful for all of the love and support I’ve gotten through this whole journey. My next post will likely be after I give birth to my sweet Kendall Grace! I can’t wait to see what God has in store for her life. She has already blessed so many people, especially me. January 30th can’t come soon enough!

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2 thoughts on “Breathless

  1. growingupmomma says:

    Congrats on your beautiful baby girl to be! I was also a promising college student about to graduate and start grad school when I had my baby girl. I can tell you from the other side that God will use this all for His good, and yours too 🙂 Being a single mom was hard, but I wouldn’t have changed it for the world. You and little Kendall will develop a bond like no other- just ask any young mom who had their baby solo. When the time came that God brought along the man He wanted for us, my daughter and I’s relationship was rock solid and continues to be that way despite the addition of someone new into our little family. Praying for you, momma, welcome to the club 🙂

    Like

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