Greetings, readers! Well I’ll just start with a little update on life. I’m in my second semester at The Master’s College (since having Kendall) and currently baby-free for a couple days which is why I am able to write this blog post. Life has been busy lately with school, basketball, and most importantly, raising a thirteen-month-old. Yes, I still tell her age by the month because I believe each survived month of motherhood is an accomplishment! This chapter for Kendall and I has been different and is not the typical “baby’s first year” situation. But it’s been perfect, nonetheless. She has learned to be a flexible kid, getting to know new babysitters and living in a new place. We adjusted to our new home very well; the family we live with made it difficult not to! At first I felt uneasy about the whole situation but it has turned out to be the perfect balance! God worked out every detail for us to be successful. All but one of my classes are online so I get to spend a lot of time with Kendall. I enjoy the small breaks away from her and our time apart makes me value the time that we have together. God has blessed us with the best babysitters, which makes the situation less stressful as well. They take great care of Kendall and their love for her is so evident. Not to mention she loves them too! She’s always having so much fun when I get home. Kendall started walking a couple weeks before her first birthday on February 2nd and as I predicted, she doesn’t just walk anymore-she RUNS. Everywhere. And she is into EVERYTHING. We have created our own baby proofing mechanisms at home because I refuse to pay an arm and a leg for gadgets that are more adult proof than baby proof. Sometimes I wish she was still a little immobile newborn. Despite the amount of times I want to pull my hair out, this stage is so much fun. Her little personality is coming out and I think she is definitely smarter than she lets on. She loves to sit on my lap and read books (but only for a short minute because you know, she has so many other things she needs to do). She also loves to play with everything BUT her toys. Cooking utensils are her favorite including the whisk and metal measuring spoons (that make a TON of noise), and she loves TV remotes. Oh, and everything goes in her mouth (it’s rather disgusting). She has broken my car clicker and my iPhone charger from sucking on them too long. I’m surprised she’s only been sick once (knock on wood). Her favorite game right now is being chased. I get on my hands and knees and crawl after her saying, “I’m gonna get you!” She runs away laughing hysterically, tripping over herself every few steps. Needless to say, it’s my favorite game too.
Playing basketball has been a lot of fun with its ups and downs. I am so thankful to be playing again and with a team that strives to share the gospel through the game of basketball. This year I have learned that the basketball court is a place of worship. Every time I step on the court I have the opportunity to present an offering to God. I have chosen to be more mindful of my attitude everyday. Although I absolutely love the game of basketball, there are days I would rather not be at practice. But now my focus is not on my self pity but on God because He has given me the ability to play. Focusing on God when I play rather than my own success is freeing and there is no pressure. God is honored when I do the best I can with what He has given me. And that’s all that matters in the game of basketball and in all of life.
School has been going well and my grades are better now than they were before I had Kendall (weird, right?). I mentioned earlier that most of my classes are online through the school’s new online program. The online classes are half of a semester long which means they are more intense. On the bright side, I can relax for the rest of the semester! Or I should say, I can relax a little more than usual. I wouldn’t call taking care of a one-year-old relaxing at all. Anyways, my major is still Biology with a pre-medical emphasis and after I graduate in 2017 and receive my Bachelor’s degree, I plan to go to nursing school. My attitude is more like, I’ll see where the wind takes me because the more I plan, the more God laughs. We’ll see what He wants me to do!
I created this blog site because I wanted to share my struggles with people and be someone that people can relate to. So now, I will begin my heart to heart with you, as I like to call it (it’s also the reason for the title). Being a single mom/student athlete at a Christian college has really challenged me. Sometimes I feel like I don’t fit in on campus because I’m not the typical college student or athlete, and I’m not the typical mom either. I find myself getting frustrated sometimes because I can’t make those late night food runs with my college friends like I used to. And on the other hand, sometimes I want to just be a stay-at-home mom and housewife that takes care of the family and makes a three-course dinner every night. It doesn’t frustrate me often, but when it does I have to remind myself that life isn’t that black and white. That “perfect picture” is what our society creates. God has something different planned for each of us and it is Satan that tells us we’re missing out on something that someone else has. Needless to say, I’ve had the funniest reactions from people when I bring Kendall on campus. First of all, I’m 99% sure I’m the only single mom/student at this school. And second of all, Kendall barely looks like me because of her mix of races. I’ve had people say things like, “So do you babysit her often?” And “Oh she’s yours? I didn’t know you were married.” Just to name a few. I get a kick out of people’s reactions but I can’t help but feel a little awkward at times. I’ve been working through my own insecurities and I can rest on the truth that I am forgiven and have the same amount of salvation as the other believers at this school, but it’s not always easy.
Social media is another struggle. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. are filled with deception. Most of the time, people only share the positives in their life. Scrolling through my news feed, I see a bunch of ridiculously happy, good-looking people with no cares in the world. Don’t get me wrong, I think social media is a useful tool to keep in touch with friends and see what’s going on in their lives. However, it can quickly become a competition of who has the most fun, who travels to the coolest places, who has the most followers, who has the cooler sunset photo, who is the most hipster, who has the cutest kid (me, obviously 😉), who has the most money, who has the most accomplishments, who is the best looking, who has the best filter on their picture, and so on. And this is not to say that I don’t get caught up in it. Comparison to others is such an easy trap to fall into. I made myself take a break from social media because it was no longer benefitting my life, it was bringing me down. Even with this blog I have to check my motives. Am I sharing my blog for my own glory or for the glory of God? The bottom line is, social media is often used to fill the void we all have as human beings. No matter how hard we try to fill it, we will always be unsatisfied. The only one that can fill the void is Jesus Christ. We are complete in Jesus when we choose to accept him as our Lord and Savior, and truly give our whole life to him. Paul explains in Colossians 2 that we are alive in Christ. Verses 9-10 say, “For in him the whole fullness of diety dwells bodily, and you have been filled in him, who is the head of all rule and authority.” Stop searching for satisfaction from this world because you will never find it. Only God can bring you complete satisfaction and fulfillment. In Jeremiah 29:13 God says, “You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.” When I find that I am ready to get back on social media (which will probably be now, to share this) I am going to be real. No, I’m not going to be Debbie Downer who seeks pity from others all the time and obviously there are some personal things that shouldn’t be shared on social media. But I am going to use social media as a positive resource. I am going to share my struggles with others and also share my happiness with others, simulating real relationships. When I scroll through my news feed, I will rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep (Romans 12:15). When I start to feel envy or jealousy in my heart I will exit social media and go to the Lord in prayer because truly, He is all I need.
Thank you for reading! I am blessed with so much support through this journey of single motherhood and I am so blessed by you! I pray that God uses me to encourage someone. If I can touch one person, I’ve reached my goal!
Now please enjoy some pictures of my perfect, not-so-little angel!