This is not a normal type of blog post on my site but necessary, nonetheless. A few days ago Kendall and I were in line for a ride at Disneyland and there was a pregnant mom standing behind us with her 3 young kids. As I watched her struggle to get all 3 kids and her pregnant self onto the carousel I thought to myself, How does she do it? I can barely handle one kid. She deserves some kind of super-mom award. Another incident happened the same day during a discussion with someone. This person tried to tell me I haven’t had to sacrifice a lot for Kendall considering I’m still going to school and playing basketball. Excuse me? It occurred to me that day that people don’t understand how difficult being a mom really is and won’t understand until they have a child of their own.
So here’s a letter to my mom, because I owe it to her to acknowledge all she has done for me and my 2 siblings.
Mom, I get it now. Motherhood is SO hard.
First, I want to say thank you.
Thank you for putting my needs above your own.
Thank you for loving me when you didn’t have the energy.
Thank you for the sleepless nights you spent feeding me and comforting me.
Thank you for the hours you spent making meals for me even when I wouldn’t eat them because I was being picky or just a pain in the butt.
Thank you for changing my dirty diapers and cleaning the mess from the ‘explosions’ that got EVERYWHERE.
Thank you for driving me on the freeway so that I would fall asleep at night (because I wouldn’t fall asleep unless you got on the freeway).
Thank you for taking care of me when I was sick or not feeling well, and doing everything in your power to make me feel better.
Thank you for taking me for a walk in the stroller when it was fussy time even though you didn’t have the energy to stand.
Thank you for taking care of me while also managing to make meals for the family and do the household chores (I don’t know how you did it).
Thank you for assembling toys that came with 10 pages of complicated instructions and for tolerating the incredibly obnoxious toys.
Thank you for taking me to fun places even though it was actually more work for you than fun.
Thank you for the sacrifices you made for me: your sanity, your social life, your job, your time, your energy, etc.
Thank you for helping me raise my own child after already going through it 3 times.
Thank you for speaking truth into my life, even when it hurts.
Thank you for loving me unconditionally, every second of every day.
Thank you for showing me that no one is perfect, but you can strive to be your best self every day.
Thank you for showing me the love of God, that is shown so clearly in and through you.
Second, I want to say I’m sorry.
I’m sorry for the tantrums I threw when I didn’t get what I wanted, even though you were just trying to protect me.
I’m sorry for all the times you cried from exhaustion, frustration, being overwhelmed, lack of sleep, etc.
I’m sorry for pulling your hair and using you as a jungle gym.
I’m sorry for peeing and pooping on you, spitting up and vomiting on you, wiping my boogers on you, and drooling on you. And for biting you.
I’m sorry for the times of teething.
I’m sorry for all the times I was cranky and you couldn’t figure out why.
I’m sorry for learning the word ‘no’.
I’m sorry you always got sick when I was sick because you couldn’t keep your distance.
I’m sorry you couldn’t use the restroom in peace, have a meal in peace, or really do anything in peace.
I’m sorry for never letting you get any work done while I was awake.
I’m sorry for talking back to you.
I’m sorry you have had to watch me make mistakes so I could learn on my own.
I’m sorry you have had to watch me get hurt physically and emotionally, while there was nothing you could do about it.
I’m sorry for under-appreciating you for the past 22 years.
Mom, there’s so much more I want to say but that would take the next 22 years. From this day forward I will strive to appreciate you more. If I fail (which I will), please remember this letter and how much I do appreciate you. As a mother who feels under-appreciated, I give thanks to you for all you have done knowing that one day Kendall will get it too. I’m so thankful God chose you to be my mom. I love you, Mom, more than words can describe.